“An excellent wife is the crown of her husband, But she who shames him is like rottenness in his bones.”- Proverbs 12:4
This past week, I witnessed a man become emasculated before my very eyes and all I could think is when will this man either leave or cheat on his wife. No one should be treated or spoken to in the manner in which this man had. His wife answered questions which were directed to him, snapped at him when he didn’t know the answer and became extremely rude to him as well as the person assisting them. From the time the couple came into the facility, you could already tell who was in control of that relationship and it sure wasn’t him. I believe that the man is the head of the house, but both the man and woman should work together and not control one another, in order for the house to run smoothly. Just by my experience of being in a controlling marriage, I knew exactly what was going on.
By just observing them, you could tell that the wife felt that she was the head of the house and was extremely nasty and rude to both her husband as well as the person assisting them. She spoke down to him and made him feel inadequate. I was embarrassed for him. Deep inside, I wanted to shake him up a little and say, “Wake up! Get Out!” But, that’s not my business nor my place to intervene in their marriage or anyone else’s. I just feel that there isn’t a lot of emphasis placed on men that are being abused by their wives. They love them and care for them and don’t want to hurt them, but when is enough, enough? When do you stand up for yourself? That’s a question that even I can’t answer.
I could tell that he was an extremely patient man and a kind-hearted person (Lord knows he was to deal with her). Unfortunately, these are usually the ones that end up being taken advantage and used. All I could think to myself is this man is going to have a breaking point and that breaking point is going to entail him seeking solace with another woman. A woman who will treat him like a man and boost his confidence and self-esteem. Now, maybe his wife was raised in a household that was abusive or maybe she experienced it an a previous relationship. Either way, no one deserves to be treated as though they are illiterate, insignificant beings.
I’ve become an unofficial advocate for both men and women who are being abused and mistreated. I want them to know that they are loved and are worthy or being treated with love and respect. They don’t deserve to be mistreated. I, myself was in an abusive marriage. I was a bit bitter, scared and afraid of men because of what had been done to me. But I realized that all men aren’t like my ex and conditioned myself not to compare every man I met to him. Every man is different. I sure wouldn’t want to be compared to any other woman. In understanding and learning this, I realize there are definitely good men out there in this world.
Here’s what both women and men should do for each other. Compliment him. Ask him how his day is going. Lift and build him up; the world is going to beat him up both emotionally, psychologically and physically. You don’t want for him to come home to battle with you. Let your home be a sanctuary and safe haven for him. Ask him to do things for you. Yeah, I know you can do it yourself, but men love to be of service to their women. Don’t take advantage of him. Communicate your thoughts and concerns to him. Be on one accord. Be equally yoked. Pray together. Encourage him. Be a comfort to him; not a thorn on his side. Peace.